Haters gonna Hate!

I'm sure everyone has heard of Taylor Swift's huge hit song "Shake it off". I absolutely love this song because I truly believe in it's message as it reminds me of some incidents I have encountered in my life and what people have to do to "shake it off". However sometimes when you can't  just "Shake it off" there has to be intervention if things get beyond a certain point and this story shows how "Haters" some times have to be dealt with.

Work place bullying is present in a lot of places and many people have to put up being bullied in their daily lives. Many people are taunted, teased, harassed, and called names and can be a bit irritating but perhaps not enough to report the incidents as abuse. I read that almost half of workers in the US say they encounter some form of bullying in their jobs but it is not reported or dealt with.Bullying can lead to people feeling stressed, insecure and intimidated. There are many ways to deal with it ad the first is to  try to resolve it privately but when that doesn't work the employer or  senior management has a huge responsibility to do some thing about it so it doesn't get out of hand.

A few years ago I was working at an office in Michigan and I encountered what jealousy and hatred can do to people and how it can ruin people if you allow it to get out of hand. The environment I worked in was one where the whole room, and actually the whole organization, was full of women doing clerical and administrative work for a large public company. A number of the workers  had been together in the same jobs in this department for many years and without realizing they felt a "right" to these jobs and resented anyone who was new in their "space". So I was new and a couple of other women were transferred from other parts of the company. The management of the company had no idea but our lives were going to be made hellish because of their decisions and the employees who had been there previously.

One of my colleagues was a very innocent right winged Republican, Christian lady around the same age as me. She believed what she believed and was incredulous when anyone came up with new ideas or thought differently from her. She was a devout church goer and believed that everything she was told by her pastor in his sermons every Sunday. Her lack of experience led her to believe that everyone who had a different faith just had to be converted to her religion, then they would be just fine but other than that she was a complete sweetheart!

However she was kind, a loving person and a dear sweet friend and we enjoyed one another's company but sometimes she was so off track I couldn't believe it. I was talking to a young intern one day about Dan Brown's best seller The Da Vinci Code and she came in and said to the intern "Don't read that book!It's about Satanism!" I said "Well if it is, it's up to him if he wants to read it and then he can decide for himself as he's an intelligent young man." When I said I was doing yoga at the gym her reply was I will never do yoga and when asked why she said it was like praying! Yoga has caught o like wild fire in the USA and there's a yoga studio in every town and main street in America now so a lot of people in the USA must be praying!

It was my friend's innocence and sincere belief in her own convictions that lead to witnessing one of most bizarre incidences of pure hatred and bullying in my life! So my friend would be innocently giving everyone her talk about God and Christianity and this lead to some pretty interesting behavior from some of the co workers, especially three friends who all worked together. These three truly believed that they ran and owned the whole department. They would pick on little things my friend said and did over the course of a few years and bully her about it. Petty things about the smell of her coffee, the way she did her work, what she ate for lunch, her tardiness, her family life were all targets for ridicule. Everyday there were nasty, snide comments and criticism about every action and every deed.

 It stemmed in particular from 3 good friends who had worked in the department and had been in the same jobs for about 10 years. One was the supervisor for the whole department and the other two were her best buddies who also joined in the fun against their co worker. One of these women, (call her Trixy) was particularly rude, bitter and thoughtless in her actions. She openly bullied everyone and different people had to go through periods of being bullied by her but she especially picked on my friend.

This behavior was never reprimanded by our Supervisor (call her Wilma). The third person (call her Casey) couldn't decide whether she wanted to be mean or nice and fluctuated between the two. Occasionally they would try to get other people in the office in on the action and try to get them to bully their co worker in a pack but a lot of people didn't want to get involved or condone the behavior of the bullies no matter how silly they thought my friend's beliefs were so they just got on with their work.

Gradually the behavior went all the way to the attention of management who noticed little comments and complaints made by the Gang of bullies. It was even being spread through malicious gossiping that my friend was having and affair with another male co worker and both were hauled upstairs to a high up management in the administrative department. Both my friend and the other worker were married. My friend was now feeling the full effects of the bullying and told me she felt suicidal! My heart just bled for her.

 The managers decided to do something about it when my friend started to be bullied relentlessly and some comments started being floated around the whole office very carelessly. Bullying and harassment are not to be taken lightly in the work place. If a worker is bullied and harassed and they file a complaint or sue the company then lots of people can be held accountable so the management of this firm decided to nip the behavior in the bud and put a stop to it. Thank Goodness the managers decided to do this.

There was an enquiry and investigation in to the bullying allegations. Everyone in the department had to be interviewed one by one and everything about the interviews was kept confidential.Even I had to give evidence of what I had seen and heard. No one talked about what was asked by the management and what was said to them individually. Even I was interviewed but luckily I was leaving my job to relocate to Germany so I didn't have to deal with the subsequent consequences.

The way the management dealt with Casey, Trixy and Wilma was to demote each of them and spread them apart throughout the office building away from each other. They were humiliated  but escaped being fired which I thought was really kind.  However my friend got an apology from them and I hope they are sorry to this day and not resentful towards her. I wonder if they realized the stupidity and pathetic behavior they were displaying! I also hope they learned their lesson that some one is watching and listening to bad behavior  and you are responsible for what you say that might hurt or harm others.

So just like Taylor Swift says the 'haters are gonna hate" but some times we have to just "shake it off" however if it gets out of hand and continues there has to be some other higher intervention! We owe it to ourselves as responsible adults to respect our fellow workers and mind our own businesses and get on with our work and our own lives! If you are the person being bullied then you need to stand up for yourself, go to your superior or your HR department and asked them to get involved. If nothing is done you can quit and file a claim with a lawyer if it is serious enough.No job is worth harming your mental health or peace of mind.

Hotel from Hell

 Having the the good fortune to travel all over America, Asia and Europe is not to be taken lightly or something to be taken for granted. Even before my days as an Expat I travelled all over Europe and across America. Through this time I've stayed in hostels, motels, inns and hotels. I can't remember how we booked hotels in the 80's and 90's but when I went island hopping to Greece in my student days I remember we literally got off the ferry and people were waiting  to rent us a room. 99% of the time we were lucky and got a lovely place to stay but a couple of times we would be unlucky and ended up having to sleep on a roof under the stars!

Whilst living in Europe and Asia I was lucky enough to stay in some of the finest hotels in the world such as the Kempinski and Hyatt hotels. If you've been lucky then you will have experienced some of the loveliest resorts such as the Indigo Pearl Resort in Phuket which is like something out of a dream. Not only is it in a stunning location at Naiyang beach in Phuket but the accommodations, decor and service are second to none and it definitely deserves it's 5 star rating. I have also experienced 3 Star hotels in cities like Beijing, China and Krakow in Poland which were clean and adequate but reasonably priced and had everything you need for a good night's rest and good accommodation and breakfast included.

These days travel agents are not as popular as before and there are so many internet travel and leisure sites such as Travelocity, Booking.com and Expedia or Hotwire.com that you can look any hotel up before you book, see it's location, what people's experiences are  and photos before you decide whether to book the hotel Well last summer I discovered why it's so important to read the reviews and comments closely and diligently that are offered by websites because I was not paying attention to what I was doing and ended up having an experience with the hotel from Hell!

We had to go to New York to drop my daughter off at university so I set my husband and daughter on the task of getting us a hotel. Initially we were to be there for 7 days when the 3 of us would need accommodation till my daughter was settled in her dorm room. I very negligently lost track of what was going on out of laziness or maybe complacency rather than disinterest. All I knew was my daughter was off on the adventure of a lifetime living and studying in New York City and I wanted her to have the best start possible.

 On the plane I couldn't stop thinking about a comfortable bed and nice hotel that was awaiting me at the end of my journey. I kept asking my daughter if the booking was ok and sure enough she said she booked through Booking.com and  showed me a photo of our room and confirmation of the reservation. We had to have at least 2 beds because my husband was coming to join us and that's what the confirmation and reservation print out showed so that is what I expected. The other thing to remember was the university is located in one area of Manhattan and our hotel was booked on the Upper East Side. At that time I had no idea what that really meant.

Central Park

Upon our arrival we took a shuttle bus to the hotel on the Upper East Side. Immediately as we got out of the  shuttle bus the driver charged us extra money because he said we were at a private residence and I thought Oh heck! The building  where the hotel was supposed to be located looked just like a regular house on a New york City street but it was when we went in that I got a complete and utter shock! Outside on the door of the "hotel"it said the name in really small letters.

When we entered there was a small shabby office and an equally dowdy girl sitting there. We introduced ourselves and she looked at the booking confirmation and to my utmost dismay she said "We don't have that room but we have another room for you". We said that won't work and I wondered why they didn't have the room we had reserved. Wasn't the piece of paper our "confirmation"? I said "Just a minute if you book a room and promise to pay almost $2000 for 7 nights shouldn't the hotel "reserve that specific room for you"? Her reply was "No". They had clearly given our room to some one else!

I was so tired from the journey I couldn't think straight and asked her to show us the room which was on the first floor and when I saw the room I nearly had a heart attack! $2000 for a room that looked like a dirty old kitchen with a bed in it! All I could think of was "what a disaster this was!"It was already 8pm and I was about to drop from exhaustion. I went out again and tried to speak to the girl at the reception but she said we would have to speak to the Manager and gave us the phone number. We left our things  in the room and went to a local Pizza restaurant because by this time we were pretty hungry.

Whilst we were eating I called my husband and told him what a disaster it was and although we'd clearly booked a room with two double beds for 3 people as was evidenced by the  booking confirmation in our possession the hotel had given the room to someone else! We were left with one double bed in a horrible room. How could we possibly stay there and be cheated out of all our money and not get the hotel room we were promised?

Outside the New York Palace Hotel

We returned to the hotel and my daughter spoke to the manager and telling him that she had booked the double room on Booking.com. The Manager was rude, loud and threatening towards her and said we had to basically stay in the room we were given for 7 days and pay the $2000, take what we were given and would definitely not  get the room we were promised or our money back!

We phoned my husband again and this was his suggestion. He had also read the reviews for the Hotel which we will call the "Lacy Inn Hotel". He had researched it and the reviews were, not surprisingly, mostly terrible ! He told me to phone the credit card company and tell them that we were not getting what we paid for and there is a provision in the law to protect the consumer and dispute the charge if you do not get the goods you are paying for. We also called Booking.com and told them our situation. They agreed we should get what we paid for but were not up for helping us right there. I did not realize I could have actually made them help us get another hotel right then but I only found out later that this was an option.

When we were trying to sleep in the room things just went from bad to worse. The bathroom was filthy and had human hairs all over and the bath wouldn't drain. My daughter and I sat on the bed and cried! People kept knocking on our room door all night because no one was at the reception so they thought that was the office. This was one of the worst nightmarish nights I have ever had. I did not want to be mean to my daughter but I had put a huge responsibility in the hands of an inexperienced teenaged girl so it was all my fault and I had to own up to my failure.

The next morning we went for breakfast and I called my credit card company and I will be grateful to them for the rest of my life. They said we were to go back to the hotel, pack up our luggage, go to another hotel and they would refund our money and launch a dispute because by law you have to receive the goods you were promised if you pay for something in advance! I breathed a huge sigh of relief, went back to the hotel and packed.

We went to the front desk and they were finally there and we told them we were leaving! The rude manager guy said I had to sign some papers and he had spoken to Booking.com and we would still have to pay and Booking.com thought the room was fine and that we were not getting the room from the confirmation. As I knew the credit card company and the law were on my side I very calmly signed the papers and left the hotel and taxied to another part of Manhattan.

We got another deal through Booking.com and went to a hotel called the New York Palace on Madison Avenue and 50th about 10 blocks from Central Park and across from St. Patrick's Cathedral. I wasn't aware at the time but this hotel is very famous because it was used as the residence of the main actress Blake Lively in her character as Serena Van der Woodsen or Gossip Girl. We were greeted by a fantastic employee who worked for the hotel and also happened to come from Bangladesh. It was about the same price as the "Lacy Inn Hotel"but worlds apart in location, service and the room was like heaven with two massive comfortable beds and a clean, beautiful bathroom and the views were amazing!

The rest of our trip was really smooth and when we mentioned to the hotel staff that my daughter was an NYU student we were treated like two princesses! The staff was courteous, helpful and beyond any reproach. We were able to transition our daughter comfortably in to her new university life and enjoy our stay in New York City.

After the trip was over I reviewed the two hotels on Booking .com and Trip advisor as they actually ask you to do this if they know you stayed at the hotel. I said the "Lacy Inn" was the Hotel from Hell, that is to be avoided at all cost and the New York Palace was amazing! I got a reply from the Manger of the New York Place thanking me for the review and all I can say is I don't have to lie about how well we were treated and what a great hotel it was because it speaks for itself!

 I have read online reviews of the hellish hotel on all the travel websites and out of a possible 10 points it receives a 5.5 which is pretty bad. The good hotels have rating of between 7.5 to above 8. I had to wait till November to get final word from the credit card company that my money was definitely refunded from the dispute with the "Lacy Inn" and we could keep it as they hadn't even replied to the letter from the credit card company to defend themselves!

What lesson is learned from this almost disastrous trip? I found out that in popular destinations hotels often double book rooms. Do your research before you set off and check and double check the hotel, check the booking and phone the hotel before you leave for your destination to make sure your reservation is confirmed! Also call the booking company and make sure they stand by the booking because they take your credit card number and should help you get what you are paying for. The law is on your side so you make sure you get the best deal you can and get what you paid for. I will definitely be more careful next time I book a trip and make hotel reservations!

Fusion Dinner Party

What do you do when you have friends from all over the world and as a welcoming host you want to please everyone but offend no one? In the last nine years I've lived in 4 different countries and travelled to about 25 other countries picking up food ideas and friends along the way.

Entertaining and cooking are my passions so anytime there's an opportunity for me to show off my cooking skills it's great. My husband has colleagues from all over the world and sometimes he wants to invite them for dinner and I take the opportunity to really impress them. Most of my recipes are tried and tested but I don't really have measurements or quantities and anyone who makes the following dishes should prepare them according to their wishes and their particular circumstances.

So what does a menu contain that pleases your guests who may be from several different countries including America, India, Vietnam, Indonesia and maybe Muslim, Hindu, vegetarian or vegan or simply happy to be invited. Of course if you have Muslim guests then you would have Halal meat and if you have Hindu guests then you don't serve red meat. If your guests include vegans then it's important to cook the completely vegetarian food first and keep it seperate from the food that you prepare with meat or fish.
Here is a sample of fusion food I might make for my guests when tastes and dietary requirements are varied for a lunch or dinner party. I will pick a few of the items and share the recipes.

Menu for Fusion Dinner Party

Vegetarian Noodle Salad
Corn Tortilla chicken lasagna
Beetroot and apple salad
Lentil and vegetable curry
Salmon with home made green curry sauce.
Cod and potato fish cakes.
Asparagus quiche
Pulao rice

Recipes

Asian vegetable and noodle salad. 

Asian noodle and vegetable salad

1 8oz Package of noodles cooked and cooled.
1 cup of peas
10 cherry tomatoes quartered
3 sprigs of green onions chopped.
1 bunch of cilantro(fresh coriander)chopped
4oz cooked green peas
4 oz of cooked green beans chopped small
3 Green & red chills diced
Lettuce leaves for decorating
fried tofu cut into small pieces

Dressing
Juice of one lemon
1 tbs of soy sauce
1 tbsp of chili oil
1tbsp of sesame oil
1tbs fish sauce(optional)
1tsp brown sugar
2 tsp salt
Mix all the dressing ingredients together.
Place all the above ingredients  in a bowl and add the dressing ingredients in the bowl and combine tossing all together so dressing is mixed in with the vegetables and noodles.
Arrange the lettuce on a serving platter and put the salad on the lettuce leaves as pictured above.

Cod Fish Cakes

8 oz cooked  cod or 1 8oz tin of tuna drained

1 large bunch cilantro chopped fine

1small onion chopped

6 medium sized new potatoes boiled and mashed

1 large jalapeño chili chopped

Cod fish cakes

salt and pepper to taste.

1 egg beaten and put in a bowl. 

Method

Mix all the above in a mixing bowl except the beaten egg

Put in 2 tablespoons of oil in a shallow frying pan.

Make the fish and potato mixture  into medium sized balls and flatten

dip in the egg and fry on high then turned down to medium.

Fry each patty till golden and turn

Put on a kitchen paper and then serving dish.

Beet and Apple Salad

Beet and Apple salad

Cut the apples and beet roots into cubes
cut the cucumber in to small pieces
Tarragon chopped fine
green onions chopped small
 Make dressing with lemon juice tarragon and mustard mix together. 
Serve in a bowl.

The salmon was baked with a green curry paste which I made with green chillis, lime juice, cilantro, onions and lemon grass,salt and pepper to taste, blended in a food processor and poured over the salmon with some olive oil and baked till the salmon is cooked through.

The corn and chicken lasagna is made with corn tortillas instead of the normal pasta lasagna.

DESSERT

Key Lime pie

Apple tart 

Trifle

Bakewell tart.

An assortment of pies and quiche

Recipes

 Bakewell tart

Preheat the oven to 325*F

Buy a ready made vegetable oil pie shell 

Bake the pie shell for about 10 minutes and take it out of the oven and let it cool. 

FILLING

Rasberry or any favourite flavor jam.

Put 2 tablespoons of jam in the pie shell, spread it in the bottom and set aside.

1 and 1/2 sticks of butter ( room temperature)

3/4 cup of sugar

3 eggs(room temperature)

6oz of ground almonds

2oz of self raising flour

zest of 1 lemon

2 teaspoons flaked almonds

Cream the butter and sugar together till pale colored in a glass mixing bowl

Beat the eggs and add gradually to the sugar and butter till mixed

Add the lemon zest

Add the ground almonds to the mixture and mix till creamy 

Fold in the self raising flour and carefully mix till completely mixed 

Pour the  wet mixture in to the pastrycase

Sprinkle extra almonds on top of the cake mixture

Put into the pre heated oven and bake on the top shelf for about 40 minutes till a tooth pick comes out clean from the middle of the cake.

Open Faced Fruit tart.

Preheat the oven to 375 degrees.

Ready made pastry thawed and placed in a baking dish.

2 cups Frozen berries 
4oz sugar
Pull some of the pastry over the fruit but keep some peaking out.
Bake for about 40 minutes till fruit is bubbling.

This is a sample menu of what I might serve to a mixture of guests with varying tastes and varying dietary requirements. Next time you throw a dinner party you may try this or a variation on these ideas.